Misplaced Expectations

For the last seven months we have been contemplating a change for this next school year for educating our children. This overtaxed Mama needed a break from homeschooling. With so many options out there we settled on what we thought was the best situation for our family. It sounded too good to be true.

We opted to do a virtual charter school that we thought would provide the teaching, curriculum and direction...while we provided the "atmosphere" and managing. We planned, encouraged our children, made all of the commitments to this new endeavor with great fervor. The children were all on board (did they really have a choice?!) Over the last month we have received the curriculum and other supplies necessary to embark on this grand scheme.

Just this last Friday we had our orientation for the school. What an eye-opening experience that was! It was then...ten days before school begins that we discovered that, lo and behold, I was the teacher for this school option. The school was the "resource" as they referred to themselves. That is NOT what I expected, desired, or understood this to be all along. Why did it become clear now and not earlier??? It was the following day that I broke out all of the teacher manuals that we had received with the curriculum (I suppose that should have been a clue...rather than a perceived mistake!). It took four hours just to get an overview of three students (two haven't received their curriculum as of yet). A sinking feeling began to overtake my sense of justice. I tried to make the best of it. Put on a good face and process what was happening...that I would not be getting a year off as planned. I mean, hey,...so what if a new baby was coming in 40 days (give or take a few); I would get through this, right?

Frankly, I don't want to find out. Feelings of failure began to overtake me in waves. I couldn't accept that we had made such a huge blunder. Though, really, it isn't our fault that communication never brought the understanding that this glorified option of schooling at home was just "homeschooling" with accountability of the state. Phooey.

My dear husband made it clear that we are in this together. Today emotionally-charged and fighting depression, we went back to the drawing board...gave it to God and asked for wisdom. We brought it to our children ages 6 -12 and asked them to pray with us about what to do. Following our family meeting we have decided on a workable plan: 2 to private school(which already informally accepted them...good thing since they start in 24 hours), 2 will go to public, and one will remain at home to do the virtual school... of course, there will still be a preschooler, a toddler and a newborn, but I can do that. I feel lighter already (and that is a feat in and of itself)!